Hello, everyone! Welcome back to my reaction series of my own novel the Secret of the Old Factory, where I am going to react to Chapter 2, On the Way to Lark Cowl.
Where we last left off on Chapter 1, we discussed scene and sequel right after October and his friends were witnessing an intruder to October’s backyard holding a bomb in a city park.
So, let’s see how this goes, shall we? Also, there will be a short writing update before the end of the post.
SCENES WITH COMMENTARY
Seeing us all, the intruder threw the bomb and ran away quickly.
“Good grief!” October cried out. “That dynamite is going to blow us to bits!”
Seeing the dynamite tumble through the air, Aidan shouted, “Quick, run!”
All of us sprinted from the area in every direction, narrowly escaping the explosion. With the dust quickly settling, October yelled tersely for us all to get out of the park.
“Is everyone okay?” said October with concern in his voice. Everyone was accounted for. Still, the park was badly damaged. “Better for the park to be demolished than us,” he said. With that, we ran into the car and drove off.
Ok…that’s not concerning at all.
“What a mean trick!” George exclaimed. “We could have been killed!”
“He must’ve spotted us when we got here,” said October and he dusted himself off.
Still panting from the danger they had just narrowly escaped, George sighed, “There goes a mystery.”
Priorities, George. You and your friends almost got blown up by a bomb!
WHY ISN’T THERE ENOUGH REACTION TO THIS?
Also, what do you mean by “There goes a mystery?” There’s plenty of mysteries!
- Why did he break into October’s backyard?
- Where did he get the bomb?
- Why did he blow up the park?
“Let’s keep our chin up, boys,” I suggested. “Hey, how about going to look for mysteries?”
October looked puzzled, then understood, “Oh! To look for mysteries!”
October drove toward his home and parked the car near the mailbox.
As we entered the front door, October found his mom and dad.
“Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!” he said. “Is there anything…”
“October, what on earth just happened?” Mr. Johnson interrupted.
WHAT DOES THIS LINE MEAN?
This implies that Mr. Johnson saw the explosion or something, but if you look at the next couple of paragraphs, this isn’t acknowledged.
Why did I put this line there?
October explained everything. He told her about the intruder and the explosion at the park. He also added that he believed it was done on purpose.
“We’re glad you’re safe, and the rest of you too,” Mrs. Johnson said with a great sigh of relief.
I was relieved also, but he was anxious to catch upwith the mysterious intruder. “Oh by the way Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, now that we have a homicidal stranger throwing bombs at us, I was wondering if we could go to the city of Lark to find out what he was doing, and why he wanted to kill us.”
First of all, what happened to your “LOOK FOR MYSTERIES” BS?
Secondly, there is no shown evidence that the intruder is heading towards Lark Cowl, Texas. And even if there was, October and his friends don’t know for sure if he left Florida yet.
All they need to do is call the Florida State Police and tell them that all counties and airports to be on the lookout for the intruder after they tell them what the clob happened in the last HALF HOUR!
October’s parents looked at their son in disbelief.
“It sounds exciting,” October remarked. Seeing their initial apprehension.
Being the protective dad and man of the house, Mr. Johnson decided that October could go, but only if October took his brave and valiant friends.
“All right, Dad,” October said.
No, no, no, no, no.
WHY IN THE CLOB WOULD OCTOBER’S PARENTS ACTUALLY AGREE WITH THIS?!
The lack of logic or conflict or processing or questioning in this scene is INFURIATING.
The rest of us went off to get our luggage.
WHAT WENT WRONG WITH THIS PART OF THE CHAPTER?
So, that was Part 1 of Chapter 2! Man, these one and a half scenes was just a nonsensical set-up for this chapter!
And for this story, now that I think about it!
After the intruder blows up Stateman Park, you’d expect a significant reaction to such a life-threatening event.
Yet, there’s barely any response from October or his friends.
Not a single person suggests going to the police.
Not even October’s parents, who give permission for the road trip instead of insisting they stay their abastols put while the authorities handle things!
But, hey, maybe the next couple of scenes will provide some meaningful conflict, right?
Right?
WRITING UPDATES
I am currently in the planning stage of working on two projects that I will write the first draft of next month:
– A standalone mystery novel
– The first novella in a 15-novella first season of what will be the new version of the October Johnson series.
I will provide more details of this, next Tuesday, which will be the next time that I will post!
COMMENT PROMPTS & CONCLUSION
Here are some questions that you can answer in the comments or as a reply to the email, if you’re a subscriber. Please answer at least one:
- What do you think of the way October and his friends reacted to the bomb situation? How would you have handled it differently?”
- Have you ever read a scene in a book that left you scratching your head, like this one? Share your experiences!”
- Do you agree with October’s parents letting him go on the road trip after the explosion? What would you do if you were in their shoes?”
- What kinds of mysteries do you think October and his friends will face on their way to Lark Cowl? Let’s hear your predictions!”
- If you were one of October’s friends, what would be the first thing you’d do after escaping a bomb explosion? Call the police? Leave town? Something else?
- I’m curious—do you prefer stories where the characters react logically, or do you enjoy when they make strange decisions that push the plot forward?”
- What’s one thing you’d change about the first part of Chapter 2 if you were editing this book today?
New posts will officially be released on Tuesdays around 8-9 am, but please subscribe if you have not already so you can get notified on new posts!
Stay tuned!
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