Hello, everyone! Welcome back to my reaction series!
Where we last left off a couple of days ago, a footprint was found off-page. How relevant is it? Not very, in my opinion, but I’ll let you be the judge.
Anyway, let’s get into it!
FULL CHAPTER WITH COMMENTARY
The rest of them came outside, and on the grass, was a footprint!
“Oh, my Toledo!” October exclaimed. “Finally, some evidence to prove the intruder against him!”
“Hold on!” Aidan waved his hand. “How could we possibly prove that’s the intruder’s footprint?”
That’s a good question!
“Who knows, it could be,” George defended October.
“The intruder’s foot could be either bigger or smaller than the footprint seen here,” Aidan argued.
“That’s a good point,” Mrs. Gridbes admitted.
“Which means we need more evidence,” October said quickly.
“But where?” Aidan asked.
October’s stomach rumbled, and he grinned. “Maybe my stomach will lead us!” he joked.
Again, this is so out of character for October! David would say something like this, but not October!
Chase’s eyes widened. “October! You’re hungry already?”
“You bet I am,” October said, then smiled.
“Well, the sandwich shop’s next door,” George remarked.
His eyes sparkling and his face smiling, October accepted.
Half a second later, both the teachers and we walked to the sandwich shop, and upon arriving, ordered our meals.
Scarcely had our food been served when October heard a strange sound behind the entrance door.
“What the dickens was that?” October blurted out in surprise.
“What was what?” Mrs. Gridbes asked. “Did you see something?”
“I didn’t see anything,” October replied, “…but I did hear…Oh!”
“What?” George queried.
“That man…the one we were chasing on the way to the donut shop…he’s here! I saw him!” October exclaimed.
WHAT? I thought you said you didn’t see anything! Which is it?
“You did?” George was skeptical.
“See for yourself…Leapin’ lizards! He’s gone!” October gasped. “But he was right there, honest to Pete!”
“I believe you,” George said, “but I’d like to know where that intruder went.”
“So do I,” the rest of them chorused.
After finishing our food, they went outside.
“This is where he was,” October observed, pointing to the spot where the intruder was, “and he left another footprint!”
HOW? And why is this not shown and described?
“Actually, he left a lot of footprints!” Mrs. Nell chimed in.
Aidan’s eyes widened, and he frowned cautiously. “Okay this is weird. I think this is a trap!”
“Why do you think this is a trap?” Mrs. Garls asked. “The footprints say he went into some direction, and we want to find out where he is.”
“That’s because he wants us to follow him,” replied Aidan, “because the suspect usually hides the clue leading to who and where he is. If the intruder left the clue where he can see it, maybe he’s wanting to lead us into a trap.”
“We’d better be on our guard, then,” October said.
The footprints led straight, then turned left until it stopped at a door in the back of the sandwich shop.
“Should we go inside?” Chase asked.
“I guess we can,” October replied.
When they went inside, they were in a large room that was as big as Lark Cowl High School’s hallways.
Great description! I don’t remember if I actually was inside its real-life equivalent, Rockwall High School, at the time of writing this, though.
“Wow! You could fit gold in here!” George commented. “I don’t think they’re any traps in here.”
Nevertheless, they were still careful. A sense of uneasiness pierced October.
Suddenly, October heard running steps.
Is October Superman or something?
“The intruder!” he realized.
We ran quickly toward the intruder.
“There he is!” George pointed to a tall, smirking figure.
October rushed toward the intruder, but the intruder jammed his foot on October’s stomach. Urrrrk!!
The intruder didn’t give October a chance to recover. He yanked October up, and opening a trap door, tried to push October.
“By jingo! It’s a long drop!” October exclaimed.
How?
“Stop! Let him go!” George commanded. He rushed at the intruder, forced him to release October, and slashed him…Bam!
The intruder fell on his back, but he quickly got up.
Suddenly the rest of the group came up to the intruder, who pulled them rudely against George, who just helped October.
October lost his balance!
HOW?! WHY?!
All of them fell down!
Worst fight scene so far. I wonder if they’ll survive the drop.
AND HOW ON CLOBBING EARTH DID ALL OF THEM FALL DOWN?! It’s one intruder against over 10 people!
WHAT WENT WRONG WITH THIS CHAPTER?
Besides the fact that this chapter follows a plot thread that really should not be focused on at all…
- This chapter is once again too short and very rushed.
- The sandwich shop scene is either filler or a poor transition to the next part of the chapter.
- There’s no discussion of a plan of what would happen after they find the intruder.
- This has to be the worst fight scene I’ve ever seen or written. The build-up is lacking, and the fight is so stupidly short.
What lesson should writers learn from this?
Clues in mysteries need to be treated with the utmost respect and serious consideration.
The finding of the clues needs to be dramatized.
There needs to be a serious, somewhat logical discussion of said clue and what needs to be done after finding the clue.
But also, the clue shouldn’t be so easy to find either! Especially if it’s the main point of a chapter!
CONCLUSION
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this reaction! Let me know what you think in the comments!
Questions: What is the best clue and handling of a clue you’ve ever read or seen in a mystery? What is the worst way?
Stay tuned for Thursday’s reaction to Chapter 8!
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